So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
