who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
