I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
