He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
