Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
