I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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