So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
