Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
