I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
