I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i will never coherently bang her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
