found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
