I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
