i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
