Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
