His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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