Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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