they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
PANTIES FOUND
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
