I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
