im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
