He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
