1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
