well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
