I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My feet surprised me
Dear god my vagina.
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