Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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