If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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