____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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