i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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