I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
