I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
