The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
