i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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