im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I smell like Dick and happiness
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