guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
