Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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