If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
