I wish they made helmets for livers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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