This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
