Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
