party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
