They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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