Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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