Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
