based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
