Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
