This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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