Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to make a zoo with you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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