I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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