and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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