I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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