I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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