I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
