why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
