Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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