When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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