so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
