I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
