he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
