i think my mom watched the whole time
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
