God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
