She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
