Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
